This post should actually be titled my "lack of dating life". I will also start off by saying, yes, I am married to a man and am attracted to boys and have always been. That has been my personal preference, even with my male chromosomes. With everything that was going on medically, socially, and psychologically during my teen years, I had developed a timid personality about dating early on.
I would develop feelings and crushes towards different boys, but would never have the courage to act on them. I directed my time towards my family, friends, and education. It wasn't until I was in my mid-twenties and tried online dating and realized it was a tool I could use to put myself out there that I was comfortable with. More comfortable than going out to bars and talking to random guys while out with my girlfriends. There were some successes and failures with online dating, but I did eventually meet my husband online and we'll be married for 3 years this fall.
The next thing I knew my 20's were ending and I still hadn't had much experience with serious relationships. At my 30th birthday party a friend of mine brought a guy who I was acquaintances with and we started to date. I developed deep feelings for this man, and we dated from the fall to the spring. But I recognized some red flags, and never told him about being intersexed. He was divorced and had a child, which he kept at arm's length and also drank too much at times. I never told him about being intersexed because I didn't know how he would take it. With all things considered it was my first long term adult relationship, including long term sexual relationship. Things fizzled after about six months, and I found out the next fall he was engaged and getting married very soon! I was shocked and very hurt! In the end it was for the best, but this was the platform that initiated my confidence to put myself out there face my fears.
Dating for intersexed women can be a challenge. You have to deal with a valid fear of rejection from disclosing information to a partner who you may be in love with. They can either love and accept you for the intersexed person you are, OR rejected you. This situation may be true in many relationships where there is a potential for rejection. But many people aren't holding onto something they feel is a big secret about themselves, or something that has a stigma behind it. It may take a strong partner to be fully accepting of marrying someone who tells you "I am intersexed". But if you can work on the fear of rejection and put yourself out there, if you find the right person...it can be totally worth it!
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