Finding Love

October 9th, 2010 was a day for many years I thought would never happen.  I got married to my husband, Leo!  We met through an online dating site, and I wasn't sure if we were going to be a good fit because he is younger than me and because of his "non" religious status.  But there was something intriguing about him and I wanted to get to know him better.  It wasn't love at first site, and Leo wasn't even sure if he was attracted to me at first (as I recall).  But the more time we spent with each other, the more we wanted to be with each other.


After dating for about five months, Leo proposed to me in the gardens in the Getty Museum while on vacation in Los Angeles.  I said "YES", and it was perfect!  There was only one problem...I hadn't told him about being intersexed yet!   Everything I knew about him up to that point led me to believe he had accepted me for who I was.  I told him about being a cancer survivor and not being able to have children of my own, and he was already on board with adopting someday.  But from fear and stigma I was not up front right away about being intersexed with him, which is something I deeply regretted!

I finally divulged my secret to him late one night while lying in bed.  I worked up anxiety about telling him and was having a hard time getting to sleep.  So I knew a long sleepless night was going to be ahead of me if I didn't say something!

The fear of telling someone I loved I am interesexed, and how they may react kept me from getting close to someone for so many years.  I have finally put myself in the position to overcome these obstacles and push beyond my comfort levels.  But being in a relationship and eventually getting married were things I truly wanted, and I am glad I took the risk even though I wish I had handled some of the things differently.  I also recognize that I had a positive experience, and an grateful my husband accepted me for who I was.

I wish there were more men out there like my husband, as regular and humble as he is.  He is also open-minded and a self-proclaimed feminist  Together we make a great team.  Together I am free to be myself, openly and even loved for just being me.