The Second Time

I learned that since I had a re-occurrence of my cancer, I was going to have to have a series of chemotherapy that ended up taking a year to finish.  I had some of the typical side-effects.  The doses of my chemo drugs were not as strong, so YES I lost my hair, but not all of it.  I was only nauseated the day after treatment, and there are some unpleasantness most people don't know about, how certain drugs turn your urine colors, you can get constipated, weight gain (on Prednisone), and neuropathy, and shortness of breath.  Here is a description of the medications I had to take and side effects.  This website is not the most scientific, but it does a nice job of laying the information out http://www.deltronix.com/public/li/moppabvd.html

I continued with my chemotherapy and doctor appointments through the next year, and had my last treatment scheduled for October 31st, 1996.  My counts were too low that day to actually have chemotherapy, so I asked "are you sure it's okay I can be done?"  But I was in the preventative phase of the treatment and there was NO sign of cancer!  I started the routine of doing follow-up appointments, and everything was looking good.  I was told not to worry about the cancer returning, but the doctors want to monitor for some long-term side-effects, which I still happily go to yearly appointments today.

The cancer was gone, but the problem was during that year I had suffered a great loss of friends and social support.  People I used to spend time with and go out with on the weekends were not calling, or even asking how I was doing.  There were a number of people at school who were nice and supportive, but it stings when people you considered friends were not there for you in the long run.  Choir was my sanctuary, where I could go and have fun and be with people I enjoyed being around, but most of those students were not a close friend of mine outside the classroom.  By senior year of high school I was ready to move on and leave all of that behind.  Make new friends and start over.

Side note:  I had realized a few years later that some of my fellow students didn't realize I was re-diagnosed with my cancer- maybe they thought I had gained weights and started wearing hats for no reason?  But after I was re-diagnosed I did not go around school telling everyone I had cancer, and since we had a large student body I can see how some people would not have know.

In Between

After I got through treatment, I attempted to go back to life as normal.  I continued to go to school, spent time with my friends, transitioned into high school life.  I had struggled in a few certain classes, and was working to get caught up in math, spanish, and science.  I started working part-time at a nursing home in their dietary department with some high school friends to earn some extra cash.  I enjoyed working with the elderly folks and chuckeled to myself when they called cancer "The Big C".  I had to go back to the hospital for routine check-ups that started to get further and further apart.  But the summer of 1995 I had noticed the left side of my neck was swollen, which prompted some doctor visits.  I also had a mole on my ear removed from dermatology.  Waiting to hear back any tests results, one day I was home alone when there was a phone call from the dermatology department.  The doctor told me the mole was fine, but then continues to explaine that my cancer had returned.  15 years old and home alone.  No support, no Mom to get a hug from.

The Next Big Thing

After the diagnosis, I continued living a normal childhood.  It wasn't until I was about 11 years old when I got my first indication I was different.  My parents told me that I was not going to develop like the other girls and I wasn't going to be able to have children, and that I would need a surgery.  I didn't fully understand what that meant.  But very soon after I learned this information I was going to have yet another life changing experience.

The fall of 1991 I started the 7th grade.  Sitting in class one day, one of my classmates noticed there was a lump on my neck.  I returned home from school that day and told my mom about it.  She made a doctor's appointment, and we had it checked out.  My doctor suspected something more serious was going on, but put me on medication for Mono, and was going to run some more tests.  My doctor sent me for a biopsy, where I found out that I had cancer.  I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Disease, a cancer of the lymph system.  For more information of Hodgkin's Lymphoma you can search for it or click here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hodgkins%27_disease

After being diagnosed with cancer, I had a surgery to learn what stage the cancer it was in (how much it may have spread), and then started radiation treatments.  The good news was that my cancer was caught early, but going through cancer treatments is miserable when you are in an age when you are starting at a new school and trying to fit in.  When undergoing radiation treament, they mark the body so they know where to line up the machines, and for a number of weeks, I had to walk around school with markings on my face.

I had to miss school for doctor appointments, surgery, and with walking around with markings on my face, I had really started to feel out of place with my peers.  This was at a time in adolescence when I was attending a new school, making new friends, and girlfriends were developing and getting their periods.  I felt like I didn't have much to contribute.  Plus, I was falling behind in certain classes, which added to my despair.  But after a few months and my radiation treatments had ended I was able to work on picking up the pieces again.  I knew stuff about life that most of my peers didn't, but I was ignoring it, trying to fit in.  Trying to just get by.  Trying to be "normal".